Let me tell you about the toast my friend Melissa gave at my wedding reception.
(It was five weeks ago, but who’s counting?)
The speech started out as in the same outfit most wedding toasts wear. Melissa introduced herself as my maid of honor. She told those assembled how we met. (We struck up a conversation as I was working in our dorm’s cafeteria. We figured out we liked the same music and movies, and lo, a friendship was born.) She said I am really kind. She said I don’t give myself enough credit in any area of my life – be it friendship, my relationship-turned-marriage or my career.
I can’t give you an exact quote of what she said next, but I can give you a synopsis: She told the crowd I used to be a reporter and I took being fired from that job much too hard. That I don’t give myself credit for what a good writer I am.
Two hundred hands applauded at that point.
And yours truly lost her composure in front of God, country and the large elk head in the room.
Why did I cry? Melissa gave any writer a huge gift. How many scribes have their writings applauded by anyone? Not a whole heck of a lot.
And I’m just going to say it: words are a large part of who I am. I love reading them and I can put a sentence together. I forgot some people like what I have to say. I’ve tried to shape myself as someone different over the past five years that to be reminded of who I am allowed me some relief.
So I’ve been doing more writing over the past few weeks; a piece of mine will be published on Marta Writes August 19th.
But I’m still scared to put finger to keyboard even in low-stakes circumstances. So frustrating!
I need to breathe easier and not pressure myself to paint a masterpiece each and every time. I need to be who I am. I need to write.
(Photo used with permission by Katie Derksen Photography. Please don’t steal!)